I had my first child when I was a teenager; got pregnant the summer going into my senior year. From that moment on my maternal instinct was in full gear! I went from wearing belly shirts and going to parties to wearing christmas turtlenecks with snowmen on it and decorating a nursery overnight! Looking back it makes me laugh every time. I "nested" for that child like you wouldn't believe! I had amazing support from Josh and we decided that there was no other option than for me to stay home with that baby once we had her.
So here I was, 18 with this teeny, adorable girl that I could not get enough of. I felt the need to be with her at every moment. It's like I could feel her every need running through my veins and that is all I focused on. I nursed her EVERY time she cried. I held her when she cried and when she would whimper as I attempted to lay her in her crib, I would swoop her up and take her to bed with me. Josh and I did not expect this helpless little child to "self-soothe" as some experts might call it.
We continued to let Emma sleep in our bed for years. I used to lie about it because people always tried to boss me around because I was young. I would say she slept with me and they would say how harmful that is to children. I didn't have a reason for her sleeping with us other than that it felt right. I could see no other way. She was always such a happy baby and toddler I saw no reason to change anything.
Josh and I got married and decided we wanted baby #2. During my pregnancy I was in full gear "nesting" again. Emma was still in our bed and we were all happy! No tears at night. No being awake from 3 a.m. until morning. We all slept soundly, together.
Baby # 2 was born and contrary to what the peanut gallery was telling me I continued to do what felt right. I nursed that baby EVERY time she cried. I took my baby with me every where I went. I also took that baby and her older sister to bed with me and Josh every night.
She was another happy baby. I have NEVER been up all night with a newborn. I slept all through the night with my newborns from the day I brought them home from the hospital. I would wake up a couple times through the night to a baby making grunting noises and just roll over and let my breast meet the babies lips and within minutes we were all sound asleep again.
So the story repeats itself. Baby # 3 came along and you can imagine how the story goes, lol. Yes, we bought a bigger bed so that all five of us could fit. This is how our bed got the name the "family bed". Little did I know our chaos was a real thing. It's called attachment parenting! Dr. Sears is the gooroo and he coined the term. We were attachment parents and didn't even know it-because we were doing what felt natural and made sense to us.
You think I am weird yet? Hold your tongue until you do your homework. Go ahead and type in the benefits of bed sharing in a google search and see what you find. You will find all these amazing things that it does for your CHILD. Now, if you type in benefits of letting your 2 week old cry through the night to teach them to self soothe you find things that benefit YOU. I am sure I'm pushing buttons here with people but this time I am OK with that. I am so sick of holding back. I never want to push a parenting style on anyone because it's not right. But when I hear other women telling a new mom "oh this is how I got my life back on track- I simply put my newborn in his room every night at 8 p.m. and shut the door and let him cry. Baby will be sleeping through the night in no time! He will be OK" it sends fire through my heart! NO NO NO! Mom's should already know what to do without having everyone else tell them. If we allow ourselves the opportunity to open our hearts to motherhood and not try to keep up with the latest trends and parenting styles it will become very effortless to raise a newborn and child.
So, I too had my children sleeping through the night by 2 weeks old and it was in the comfort of what I like to call the Mommy Nook. It's almost exactly where you would carry a baby during pregnancy except not upside down, lol. Baby nestled right close to mama's chest so he/she can smell you and hear the sounds from you that he/she has grown to love in utero.
To summarize this very long outburst of frustration to the world, my children all turned out good so far. Studies show that the closeness of co sleeping and skin to skin teaches a child to be compassionate toward others. It also raises IQ significantly. Now please do not take this as bragging; I am just simply sharing the data of my experiment. All three of our kids have had standardize testing done of different variations and every time they test off the charts. I don't ever tell people this because it sounds like bragging. Emma and Ella both were reading before kindergarten and now Emma who is in 2nd grade has tested at 5th-6th grade reading levels. It's almost unbelievable!
When you do what feels right and natural with your children you will succeed as a parent. It feels right for me to stay home with my kids everyday and be their teacher. I am so happy to be able to be homeschooling this school year. I feel once again back in tune with my kids; something I didn't feel when I was away from them for work.
[i have so much more to say....i will save it for next time]
A beautiful example of family bed sharing
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