{current happenings at my home: we are taking a break from school at the moment. i am drinking coffee. i am researching how juice is made in a factory. ella is running around in her underwear pretending to be getting ready to leave for a trip to california. she has bags packed and everything. going around giving hugs to us and telling us goodbye. joshua is playing with a play dog and tools. emma is supervising ella's trip planning}
my brain won't stop. new discoveries everyday with homeschooling, breastfeeding, parenting and overall caring for the family. i always have something on my mind in which i would love to research and eventually, write about. i keep notes so i don't forget but if i don't write while it is fresh on my mind, it looses it's luster and gets tossed into my pile of topics which do not deem to be worthy of research and writing.
one particular story still lies fresh in my brain.
on parenting
we keep late hours at our household. i learned real soon that my bedtime was also my kids bedtime. i am a night owl and don't settle in at 8:00 p.m. the kids stay up with me until i go to bed. we spend every waking moment together. there are times i am envious of my friends who tuck their children in at 8:00 p.m and snuggle on the couch with their hubby and watch tv. but then i realize how much those kids are missing. josh and i are both in agreeing that this is our kids time, not ours. we get a date night here and there and that is what gets us through. but we much rather spend our time with our awesome kids. they are entertaining and so fun to teach. besides that, one of the most effective and memorable parts of our days is the hour and sometimes hours we spend in the family bed at night snuggling, scratching each others backs and asking questions. i think last night at 2:08 a.m. is when i politely asked the kids to "save their questions for another day because we need to rest". they said "ok" and went right to sleep.
some nights don't go as smooth. one night, last week i was preparing our minds for sleep doing our usual calming rituals, read, lay still etc. Ella was having a particularly hard time that night. Being aggressive, whining, refusing to follow what we were all doing. I would hold her and ask her to calm down and lay by me and she would yell and you could tell she was highly irritable. We had a jammed packed day of lessons that day and i had to spend extra time with emma that day. i allowed ella to just sort of wander around that day and play whatever she wanted as emma and i worked on school projects. i think from her lack of focus and maybe one on one quality time with me that day she had grown anxious and it's like her day wasn't complete.
i was so tired and actually, really irritated by ella's mood. i so badly wanted to spank her bottom and send her to sleep in her room alone. i have done that before. it results in them screaming for a long time and eventually crying themselves to sleep. in my 7 1/2 years of parenting, nights like that have only occurred maybe 5 times in my house and every time i woke up the next morning feeling as though i committed a crime. i found my self apologizing and giving extra hugs the next day. that sort of discipline doesn't make me feel accomplished and in control, it makes me feel like a lousy mother who can't accept consequences of my actions. the consequence in this situation was ella acting out and deeply needing my love and it was a result of my actions that day-being not tuned into her needs emotionally and physically.
so when ella was having her moment, instead of spanking and screaming at her, i realized that she needed me. i swooped her up. before i left the bedroom with her i asked emma to sing to joshie and cuddle with him as i needed to talk to ella alone. i took her in the bathroom plopped her on the counter top so she could be at my height. i looked into her tired, wet eyes and told her how i felt. i let her know that i understood she was frustrated and tired. i told her i felt we had a really busy day and that i thought she needed some extra time to think about the day. i told her she was an awesome kid and i am sad when she acts like this. i then told her that i know a trick to help her to calm down. she had grown calm and now curious as she watched me get some things ready. i grabbed a washcloth and some lavender soap. i ran the washcloth under warm water and put soap on it. i told her to be still and let mama take care of her. over the next several minutes, i gently rubbed her precious little face with the warm wash cloth. i kept talking to her about her day and things that i wished had gone differently.
by this time, she was smiling and hugging me tight. i carried her back into the bedroom and lay her on the bed. i asked if she wanted a massage. she was excited and begged please! i massaged her body from her pinkie toe all the way up to her hands and even face and ears. by the end of her "special treatment" as we call it, she was still, calm and quiet and within minutes, after i snuggled her close she was sound asleep.
this whole situation-the talking, the wash cloth, the massage-took less than 15 minutes. she had a peaceful experience, felt safe and accepted and slept like a princess. i woke up the next morning loving her more than ever and felt good about my actions. though i understand whole heartedly that some times this can't be done because we are exhausted, or our other kids need something or the kitchen is a mess and lunches need packed-sometimes our kids just need us so bad. even when we were home with them all day. i felt it in my blood, veins and heart that night. her cry out for my attention was so clear and i knew it needed to be addressed right then and there. when you feel that in your heart, it means something!!!
in a modern society, we need to remember to follow our hearts and instincts in parenting as it is nature's way of pulling us back to what is so important. we need to invest time in our children as if that time would turn into a million bucks. i promise you won't regret spending time with them!!!!
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