little helpers

It's been a 3 day weekend and for some that includes packing, traveling, and the not so fun part-unpacking.

Want your kids to help with these jobs but find resistance and unwillingness to help?

It's all in our approach.

As we arrived home, much later than anticipated, from our busy weekend, everyone went to the bathroom, slipped their shoes off and the kids quickly disappeared to get re-acquainted with their toys and such.

As my husband and I began unpacking and doing the things that need done, I realized the kids were no where to be found, and more than half of the contents in our car belonged to them.

So, now is when we have options. How are we going to get the kids to help? How am I going to handle this?

I slipped in the house, explained calmly that there was a bunch of stuff to put away and that we are all equally tired, especially Dad who has to get up early tomorrow and go to work. I explained in terms that they would understand that if we all worked together, we could get the job done quickly and then relax tomorrow.

Away they went. They willingly put things away in their rooms and unpacked. My son, who is paralyzed, even got to help. I carried him in and out of the house and Dad loaded his tiny helping hands up, and together, we put stuff away.

It's all in our approach. I find that when I talk to the kids like people and treat them with the respect that I like to be treated with, they respond like good kids, who understand the task and want to help.

It's important, too, to give them a genuine thank you. Really mean it when you say it. Get down at their level so you can see their sweet eyes and tell them how much it helped that they unpacked their stuff. Make it sink in!

I am going to work really hard on my tone with my kids this week. I know it gets good results, I see it all the time with them.

Lord, may my patience not wear so thin that I lose grip and forget what is most important to me- my kids and the relationship we are building everyday.

Our kids are capable of so much, and when included, can learn so much about life! Any child over the age of 1 is capable of something! Respectfully raise them in such a way that when old, they will not stray from it.

yesterday is gone. no do overs.

i woke my kids up and we spent a good amount of time in my daughter's room all piled on her bed snuggling and helping each other wake for the day.  i love this part of the day.  i always feel like we need to hurry up and eat breakfast and get dressed so we can start the day, but then i remember, this too, this snuggling in bed, is part of our day.

we finally made it downstairs for the day and just as i was reaching for the cereal bowls, i heard the doorbell. damn it.  i was bra less, messy hair and in my pj's.  i look at the kids-all standing froze in their underwear.

i peeked out the window to see my young neighbor boy standing with his swim trunks and towel on my porch.  he comes to play often and the other night he played in the sprinkler with my kids in our back yard. since that, he comes daily and asks when we are going to swim.

in our tired, lack of clothing state of being, i thought to myself-i don't need to answer the door just yet. he will come back, he always does. bad idea-he rang that door bell again and again so i finally opened the door and politely asked him to come back later.

i felt bad-what am i teaching my kids. am i teaching them that you don't have to answer the door if you don't feel like it, or am i teaching them to be cold and rude?

we moved on, everything was OK.

we proceeded with our day. ran a few errands, returned home to make lunch and their was the doorbell.        you guessed it, the neighbor boy was back and wondered when we were going to swim.  i politely told him we were making lunch and to come back in an hour.  i made lunch and as we were eating, the doorbell rang.  he returned earlier than i asked him to, so finally we let him in!

he is on summer break.  he is here everyday, all day!  whew! it's going to be a long summer...

anyway, i let the lunch mess sit so the kids could play in the sprinkler.  while the kids were enjoying the water, i sat in my lawn chair.  i forgot to pay our Internet bill. you know how i know i forgot? because apparently if you don't pay it, they shut it off. nice. so i had to call and pay it and have service restored. i talked to an automated guy for 10 minutes, waited on hold for 10 minutes, talked to a representative for 20 minutes....i won''t make that mistake again!  need to set up a reminder to to ahem pay the bills ;) while i was on hold, the neighbor boys mother was calling me repeatedly. i assumed this meant it was time for him to go home. i sent him home.

we cleaned up the yard and came in the house to do some school work.  my oldest is working hard to finish her lessons for the year.  we did an art project and waited on Dad to get home.  the kids were all proud of their work, they always are.

i am behind on laundry (shocking, i know), the dishes need done, and we are nearing dinner hour and i have no plan and frozen meat.

when things get crazy, we go back outside, it's so therapeutic.  enjoyed happy hour on the porch with my husband while the kids played nicely in their sand box.  finally, 2 beers later, i realized supper wasn't going to make itself.  i totally wanted to make it a fast food drive -through kind of night-but i refrained. i didn't want my family to ingest the garbage nor does our wallet appreciate this nonsense.

so into the kitchen i went. homemade onion rings and grilled cheese it was. fancy!  hey, we all left the table full.

i was still feeling like a slug, so i thought i would be rebellious and leave the dishes for the next day.  every time i would walk through the kitchen that evening i thought i should do the dishes, but then i said nope, not doing it!

finally at 9:30-I did the dishes. i just couldn't leave them-after all, there is no dishes fairy-i only leave myself with a mess.

watched my favorite show's season finale.  tucked the kids in. they fell asleep. i read.  finally, i was tired. it was time to rest so i went in my daughter's room and just sat and watched her sleep.  sometimes my heart aches for her and I's relationship because I feel I am so hard on her.  I expect so much-too much. She is the first born, very bright, beautiful, I can always count on her,  she loves me unconditionally.  I kept kissing her and whispering that i loved her.  I desperately wanted her to wake up-I wanted to read to her, make beaded necklaces with her.  Take a walk with her and hold her hand tight.  I wanted her to know how much I loved her.  I feel like I am screwing up. She is getting older and understands life.  She is with me all day everyday, and i feel like I am not always the role model I need to be.  For crying out loud, I hid from the neighbor boy when he rang the door bell that morning and didn't answer the door!  What am I teaching her?  What does she really think of me.

I hugged her tight, inhaled her sweet smell and went to bed.  I didn't pray last night.  My soul is lost right now. I need to pray more.

Today is a new day.  I came across this video and it brought me to tears.

http://vimeo.com/66058153

today is a chance to make everything right. spend more time with them, show them your love. build them up.

                          

Time Management Tool For Kids! (and adults, too!)

Time management is something we all struggle with especially teaching it to our kids. I feel like I spend so much time on getting my kids ready for bed or ready to leave when we have someplace to be. I am hovering around all of them because they won't stay on task otherwise. This is really bothering me that for as independent as they are, they can not accomplish getting ready in a timely manner without me telling them step by step what to do.

Bath was of particular problem. If we have no where to be, and you just need a bath, then by all means-I let my oldest sit in a bubble bath for as long as she would like (sometimes this is an hour!) But when it keeps getting closer and closer to bedtime, or we are late for an appointment, I need her to stay on track!

I have come to the realization that the kids are not doing this to be slow, and when I say "Hurry up, you have been in there for a half an hour and still have not washed your hair" I am suspecting that sounds like nothing but noise and has no meaning.

So, in an effort to prevent yelling and fighting over this, and to teach time management skills, I bought a fancy timer. We sat and had discussion about what we thought was a reasonable amount of time for simple tasks such as taking a bath or shower, and brushing hair and teeth etc, etc.

We agreed upon 15 minutes for a bath or shower. This timer has worked wonders in our home! They set the timer and can watch it while they are in the bath. Sometimes, when they get distracted with playing or relaxing in the bath the time flies by, the timer dings and much to their surprise, without me having to say a word, they realize that they have really wasted time!

Now, while the timer has it's perks, I have to be careful not to abuse this tool. This tool is here to help us all learn time management, not so that I can micro-manage everything they do. We as adults, don't appreciate being micro-managed, so I try to avoid doing this to my kids. Sometimes, it's OK to stray from the rules of the timer. Yes, take a shower for 20 minutes if you want, but remember, when it is near bedtime or we have somewhere to be, you really should think about how much time you spend!

An added bonus: When all 5 of us need a shower, the timer is REALLY helpful as we all compete to see who can take the quickest shower!

Math Lesson: We have been able to get Math story problems out of the deal! If you set the timer for 15 minutes, and you get out before if goes off and the timer reads 7 minutes, 39 seconds, how long were you in the shower?

Sustainability Tip: While discussing how much time it takes to bathe, you can also discuss how much water you think is necessary. Again, don't helicopter parent and say you only need x amount of water. Instead, present them with the facts explaining that water doesn't magically appear and that it is one of Earth's resources. Explain how it gets to our house and that it is not free. (If you don't know all the facts of water, or how to present them then watch a documentary or get a book-viola-there is a homeschool lesson!) Then, ask what they feel is an appropriate amount of water is to fill the bathtub with. You might give a suggestion, or let them know what works well for you, but keep it as a suggestion. Some people may just like more water to splash around in 

It's all in our approach, I have learned. Instead of me shouting to hurry up and get out and ask what in the heck takes them so long, all I have to say is "Did you set your timer?"

why do we do that?

I wake up just moments before my little ones if I am lucky and enjoy that first cup of mud in peace and quiet.  I never thought I needed quiet time until I experienced it.  As a mother you are able to tune out so much, that even the sounds of the plastic recorder and toy microphone sound quiet.

A friend of mine posted this as her Facebook status:

"Why do we as women, bring down other women, knowing how HARD life can be for a woman?"

Yeah, great question!  Why do we?

After my cup of coffee in silence grew empty, the day began.  I knew I did not have time to sit and have another cup and read from my favorite websites.  I knew I did not have time to update my blog, my facebook pages or check my e-mail.  Yesterday, I did not get on the internet once until 2 a.m.  That was the first I had sat down.  Every body has a full plate, everybody's life is hard.  We know this!  Yet why do we never feel like we are giving enough?

Yesterday, I made a homemade breakfast for everyone, served them like they were guests.  I do this with a smile as it brings me great joy to give them food and drink.  We moved from the dining room to the classroom.  In a days time, I home educated 3 children, made sure my son got to watch his favorite movie while I was teaching about pronouns in the other room.  I kept my daughter who was upstairs getting ready on track by hollering up the steps every 5 minutes in between lessons with my oldest.  I gave my son a snack, just in time to enjoy and keep him happy for a few moments longer while I finished the lesson on pronouns.  When it came time for my oldest to do a worksheet on the lesson, something she could do independentenly, I snuck out for a moment-not for a smoke break or a quick phone call but to throw another load of laundry in the washer and fold and put away the stuff from the dryer.  I returned to irritable children so I cut up apple slices and served cheese as a snack to keep them content while we continued with our lessons.  I talked about pennies, nickels, dimes and gave examples with patience.  I gave a worksheet on the lesson then moved to my oldest child's attention and talked about estimation and mental math with hundreds.  We mastered the concept and I gave her a worksheet.  My son is saying my name in the other room.  Remembering I had not received a water bill in over a month, I told my son "One second baby, I am coming" I called the water office to straighten that out before we got our water shut off.  I waited on hold for 20 minutes so with my phone to my ear, I taught about contemporary art and how to do a self portrait-what you can learn about a person from a self portrait and laid out art supplies for my oldest to do a self portrait project.  As she drew, I talked to the lady at the water office.My son was yelling my name still.  Once off the phone, I realized what a blessing running water was and remembered that I had not done the dishes from breakfast and snack.  I read out loud to the kids and asked them to talk with me about the story-setting, characters, the author, while I loaded plate by late into my dishwasher.  The dishes were clean.My son needed me.  The kids needed a break.  I held my son and kissed him and sang to him and sat him at the table.  I heated up organic grilled chicken breast and sliced mangos and kiwi up for a healthy lunch.  One child did not eat well, so I made another sandwich to fill their belly.  We needed fresh air.  My son needed me to sit down with him and nurse him, hold him and remind him that he too was special and important.  I need out of the house.  Aha-I will take them on a walk around the neighborhood.  But first-I need to catheterize my disabled son, remind the kids to feed the cat and dog and tell everyone to get shoes on.  After I take care of my son, I find kids without shoes on because they can't find their favorite purple sparkly sandals.  I find everyones favorite shoes and slip shoes on myself remembering that though I did manage to squeeze a shower in I did not put a bra on because there weren't any clean because I always do my laundry last to make sure every one else, has the clothes they need for the next day.  I ran upstairs (my son began to cry because he wants me to hold him and take him with me every room I go) and picked up the stinky bra off my floor from the day  before.  I come back down and get out to the garage with my son whom is heavy and can't walk to find that the wagon is locked in the shed out back and both dog leashes are in the car which my husband took to work.  Take my son back inside put him down so I can find something else to use for the leash.  He cries because he wants me to hold him and carry him every where I go. My oldest retrieves the wagon for me and I am sure to praise her so she doesn't feel unappreciated and I realize my son, who can't sit up, needs his special booster seat to sit in the wagon. I beg my youngest daughter to please get her brothers booster and wait on her to find it successfully without being distracted along the way and she returned and I praise her to make sure she doesn't feel unappreciated.  Got my son in the special seat in the wagon and remembered he is suffering sensory processing issues and can't bare the sun in his eyes.  I go dig out sunglasses and a hat and he is ready.  Now I find an old chain to use as a leash and away we go.  My youngest daughter wants to ride her bike, but I would really like her to walk with us so we can keep the same pace and get some good exercise.  She wants to ride so I patiently explain the importance of exercise and walking and how our heart works, all the while keeping a calm tone to prevent her from arguing and getting mad that she can't ride her bike, and she then agrees to join us in walking with just a little attitude, but not much.

Before we left for the walk I had my children recite this with me:

We are going for a walk
It is going to be fun
We are taking a break from school
When we get back
I will do my lessons
I will not take off on my bike
I will not argue with my mom
I will be thankful that I got to go outside
And get busy with my lessons for just a little while longer

The walk was amazing.  Once we finally got moving, it was worth it.  It always is.  We practiced using cardinal directions rather than saying turn right we would say go East on 2nd street.  We learned what the words real estate mean.  We learned about storm sewers.  I used house numbers instead of house colors "At house number 5124 cross the road" so they could learn how useful and important a house number was. I held their hands when they would get close to me, squeezed them tight and said I love you.  Told my daughter she sure was a fast runner but reminded her about Tortoise and The Hare and that slow and steady wins the race.  We talked about how that is true in so many aspects in life.  When we got home, she repeated the phrase "slow and steady wins the race" and I knew she really understood the moral.  We talked about pedometers and our heart again, and how lucky we were that we could go for a walk.  We were thankful for freedom again.

By this point, I am only half way through the day.

The day progressed at full speed, washing, drying and folding 7-8 loads of laundry, loading and unloading the dishwasher twice and making several more meals and snacks.  Running to the store, making a favorite dessert for my mother's birthday, giving 4 baths (one child needed 2) teaching the kids why lying doesn't work, painting my nails, checking e-mails, packing lunches, watering my garden....it never ends.

By 1 a.m. my legs grew tired.  All three of my precious babies fell asleep in my bed as I folded more laundry and when I was done I sat on my bedroom floor not to interrupt any sleeping souls and read for 2 hours.  I read about breastfeeding, bowel programs for children with spina bifida, sensory issues in children, latex allergies in spina bifida....I answered questions of mothers about latch, sore nipples and crying it out method.  I, I finally crawled in bed with my babies and thought of everything I needed to do yet.

Notice I didn't mention my husband...he worked 16 hours yesterday and as he walked in the door, I walked out to go to the store.  When I returned he had one eye open and one eye shut and was out for the night.  He too, is exhausted!

I didn't get it all in.  I am still behind.

So

"Why do we as women, bring down other women, knowing how HARD life can be for a woman?"

This was my reply to her status:

"why do we know the truth, we know how hard it is but we still work ourselves to death only to still be a day late and a dollar short. i wake up every morning with my legs aching from the day befores duties and go at it again full force the next day. at the end of the day, someone always needs or wants something that you have not gotten to yet (ie: their favorite jeans washed, batteries, cupcakes you promised last week.) I know i am only one person, and my family understands-but i still vision the women who irons and has a sparkling floor. i vision that her family is so much happier that they can walk in the door and not trip on a pile of shoes or go to the fridge to not find the milk gallon empty-ugh! does that woman with the homemade chocolate cake, sparkling floors and pressed clothes exist? and if so, is she happy? feeling like half a woman these days!

So today, be the change you want to see in the world.  Stop judging women with wrinkly clothes, dirty kids and finger prints on her front door.  Instead say,  "She is just like me, trying so hard at doing everything right and still can't seem to get it all in."

stop and smell His roses

Hello everyone! May you sulk in all of Earth's gifts today. Wow, I almost feel like I am in a dream at how beautiful everything is!

We have been homeschooling on the lawn as much as possible to try and finish this year! We will continue to learn everyday, but the workbooks and structured learning will slow down very soon!

An afternoon of appointments calls for an early rise, eggs and toast for breakfast and done with school by noon. The kids are so good today. The weather has an astounding impact on us all. I pull weeds in between lessons and my hands are quickly becoming stained with dirt. I am forever grateful for the right to use our lawns how we want. Don't forget how fortunate you are today. We have huge bumble bees hovering around our flowers-and it is so important to teach your kids not to fear, but respect these creatures. We need every component in order for systems to work properly, especially bees.

Make it a good one, we are so lucky to be alive and free today.

Off to pack a bag of healthy snacks and water to prevent any grouchiness when we are out and about this afternoon. As we venture out, I will use every opportunity as a teachable moment; hold the door for others, look both ways when crossing the street, don't littler, watch for white lights on the back of cars in parking lots-those are reverse lights and that means they will be backing up. There is so much to teach these tiny, amazing humans. What will we learn today?!

Take time to stop and smell His roses. When a child sees you-their role model- appreciate things around you, you will foster a love and admiration for all things in them.