the best birthday

it comes every year. some people celebrate the day their child was born as their birthday. some people don't.  at our house, we celebrate.

what do we celebrate?  we celebrate the child!  each person has a head, arms and legs, a heart, hair, teeth etc.  but when looked at on an individual basis, each person has something so special, something that no one else has.  i have three children and even though they are siblings, they are each their own being, each so unique that it is impossible to replicate or compare.

how do we celebrate?

*8 years earlier*

i called months before to reserve the banquet hall.  i was sure to choose the party room that fit at least 30 people, i mean heck, my baby was going to be 1!  hmmm what should the party theme be?  what does she love?  oooh she loved baby einstein!  i would put a baby einstein dvd in and she would smile, coo and stare with her beautiful, brown eyes as long as it played. so that is the theme. i searched high and low for baby einstein goodies for a party. you know, the invitations, the banners with your child's name on it. the balloons. dinner plates, napkins, dessert plates, dessert napkins, cups, table cloths...you know, the essentials! could not find them in any party stores. thank goodness for the internet, because within seconds, i found baby einstein party kits! incredible! what genius (or einstein) thought to put together a baby einstein birthday party kit?  i didn't care, i was ecstatic to have found it! my baby, my 12 month old is going to crap her pants when she learns we are having a baby einstein party in her honor with all of her favorite people!

i filled out the invitations, addressed and stamped each one and anxiously waited for the RSVP's to roll in. for the next 4 weeks, i was miss party planner. party! party! party! my baby is turning 1!

shopping. i went shopping for a princess dress for my baby to wear on her very special day.  i ordered not 1, but 2 cakes for her big day!  i asked a lady at a bakery to make it cute and extra special and to be sure it was large enough to feed 30 people!

my sweet baby's birthday had finally come.  she is 1! this sweet child, who brought out the best in me is having a birthday.  let's make her day super special.

on her birthday, i ran all over town picking up cakes, filling custom balloons with helium, decorating the hall  and getting all dolled up for the party. cleaning, cooking, the whole process that us women go through before a party! my baby grew fussy on her birthday. all this extra running and mommy not holding her made her irritable.  my sweet baby was always so mellow, so happy. but on her birthday, she was exhausted and wanted her mommy to hold her, but i just couldn't. i was getting ready for her perfect day.

so, isn't it wonderful?  my husband and I managed to spend upwards of $200 to make our special 1 year old so happy. we got all the things she loved. everything was picture perfect. i was so proud of the party i had planned.  did i mention we were 18, and 21 years old? young parents living paycheck to paycheck.

so, let me ask you. who do you think this party was really for?  you got it. it was for me and all the adults that would be there.

where was my baby the happiest?  at home. not at a banquet hall.

what did my baby love?  her mom and dad. not baby einstein.

what are the essentials to a 1 year old?  mom and her milk. not the invitations, the banner with her  name on it. the balloons. dinner plates, napkins, dessert plates, dessert napkins, cups, table cloths.

i was 1 of the mother's who felt like in order for me to be a good mother, i needed to throw a birthday bash for a 1 year old. i was suckered into expensive plates, hall rental fees and chaos.  though i will never forget that day and appreciate all the love and support of family, i will forever be thankful that i have finally woken up from this birthday party industry or scam or whatever you want to call it.  it took me a couple of years and a couple more children to finally learn and realize that my children, before-during and after these parties i would have for them, were miserable. my oldest child actually told me this once, and it offended me! until i could truly look at it from her perspective and i realized she was right.

we celebrate birthdays. how?

*today*

about a month before there birthday, when i am alone with my child, i ask them "what is something you have always wanted to do? what are some things you wish you had? ?

i don't ask what they want to do for their birthday or what they want for their birthday because they too have fallen into the expectations of what our culture portrays as how we celebrate birthdays. if you ask an 8 year old what they want to do for their birthday, they might say something like have a huge party in my yard with tents, cotton candy, horses and clowns that walk on stilts. i want justin bieber to sing to me and i want the whole neighborhood to come. and i want a ton of presents. because that is what they see in movies.

to get a true, honest answer from your child on what they like, what they want-don't tag it to their birthday. just ask the question in conversation sometime. "sweetie, what is your favorite thing?"

today, we celebrate birthdays by spending the day with our child. we stopped having birthday parties. we stopped inviting 30 people.  i no longer spend my child's birthday running around my house mopping, decorating and cooking and yelling at the kids to "clean up, now! clean your room, sit down, i just swept, don't move, get outta the kitchen- i just mopped". it is liberating. it allows me to look at my baby and embrace everything that is so unique about her.  build her up. love her. hold her hand. follow her around wal-mart for 2 hours so she can look at what she wants to look at. play games with her. follow her lead. make it her day. not the day that i have a party for her (for me).

i am not saying parties are wrong. parties are great. i love parties. but before you go spending a fortune and planning something spectacular, make sure you are doing it with your child's interest in mind and not all your guests.

i was a slave to hosting parties and it feels so good to be free from it.  i pray i save you from chaos.

this year, i spent less than $5.00 on decorations.  Before my  8 year old baby woke up, I blew up a package of balloons I bought (with my free air, not a $30 helium tank). I bought blue streamers. Blue is her favorite color. I hung them all over the house. It took me 10 minutes and I was so excited to be doing that for her.  I bought a cake (usually I make one, but my oven doesn't work), chocolate-she loves chocolate.   I asked her what she wanted to do. And she planned a day for her and her family to spend together to celebrate.  I had such a wonderful time celebrating my child on her birthday!