are you gay?

"Today, the court is deliberating California’s Proposition 8, which bans the right for same-sex couples to marry. Tomorrow, arguments will be heard regarding the national Defense of Marriage Act, which has legally defined marriage as a union between a man and a woman since 1996."

the above is taken from an article from Mackenzie Yang

Read more: http://newsfeed.time.com/2013/03/26/what-is-the-red-equal-sign-all-over-facebook-and-twitter/#ixzz2Ofcq5ybN

Are YOU gay?

By:  Courtney Kurth

you may have noticed the red equal sign all over the world today. or maybe you see people in your office or at the gym wearing red. today, people all over the world are either wearing red, or not. wearing red shows that you support marriage between two men or two women.

as stated above, marriage is currently defined as a union between a man and a woman.  

i want to just express my thoughts on being gay.  

since the beginning of time, there have been gay people. this is not a new religion, a new idea or something that seemed fun to experiment.  men who are attracted to women and men who are attracted to men, women who are attracted to women and women who are attracted to men have both been here since the beginning of time. it's true.

50-100 years ago, it was rare to know someone who is gay.  that is not because they weren't here. it is simply because it was so socially unacceptable, that they couldn't be themselves.  people were treated differently and talked lowly of if they were gay. it's like people thought there was something wrong with them.

there is nothing wrong with being gay.  our world is awakening and being gay is more acceptable.  i think this is something to celebrate. though we have a long way to go, more and more gays are coming out and being proud of who they are. and this is why it seems like there are more gay people now than there were 50 years ago.  More married men, who married a woman because that is what they were supposed to do, who had a family because that is what they were supposed to do, are getting divorced.  They are learning that all this time, there really wasn't anything wrong with them.  They were just born gay, and that is ok!  They love their wives, but they simply can't help that they are gay. They leave their marriages and are finally able to be who they really are.  This goes on more than you know!

Can you imagine living a life trying to constantly hide who you are because you fear no one will love you if you tell them who you really are, gay.  This is so sad to me and makes my heart ache for the people who struggle with this.

being gay is not a choice.  you are born gay. it does not mean you have the devil in you. in fact, i believe Jesus could have been gay. we don't know.  I know the Jesus I read and learn about would treat a gay man and a straight man the same.  He would welcome both to his table.  Actually, putting gay or straight aside, he would welcome the man who was kind and treated people with love and respect.  Who knows maybe it'd be the gay man or maybe it'd be the straight man. At the end of the day, what is important is who is a better person.   

It's time for us to wake up. For those of you who think that being gay is a sin, you ought to be ashamed of yourself. It breaks my heart to know that some people would turn away a friendship because of the fact that someone is gay.  I can't believe that grown men and woman can actually act like they are grossed out by someone being gay. if you have that much of a problem with gay people-then maybe you have some serious issues that need worked out. maybe you are hiding from the fact that you are gay? who knows? i hope you figure it out!

i have the privilege of knowing many gay people. They are just people, like everyone else. Some are nice, some need an attitude adjustment, just like all of us.  Let's stop putting everyone into a category. There is no reason we need to say things like, "I have this friend, she's a lesbian, well anyway she got a new car." when telling a story.  Her being a lesbian has nothing to do with her getting a new car.  Just sayin'.  Stop with the name tags!  

let's just stop worrying about who loves who and who has sex with who. find someone that makes you happy and be in love. if they happen to be the same gender as you, then great! it's ok! you can't change being gay, but you can embrace it!

chemical free food!

my husband worked long, evening hours for many years. most of the time, i was home with the kids by myself in the evening so that meant that whatever i had going on, along came my kids with me. that never bothered me, but there were times when i wish going to the grocery i could have left them at home-for there sake and mine!

anyway, my husband is home in the evenings now and there are many nights that i can escape for a couple of hours to get groceries and run errands and he gladly keeps them home with him.  the other night i had to run for just a few things and when the girls asked if they could go too, i let them.

of course, taking your children to the store they ask for many things. my kids know well by now that they are not going to get a toy or junk, but they ask for lots of food items.  as i am transitioning to making almost all of our food from scratch to avoid unnecessary chemicals that are found in foods today, you can imagine how this gets hard when you have kids at the store with you that are asking for frozen "kids meals" and yogurts with m & m's on top.

one of the items my kids asked for were wafflers which are waffles in the frozen section.  i used to by these almost weekly, and thought it was a nutritious start to their day, especially when i bought the whole grain ones with blueberries.  and then i took a closer look at what was really in the waffles.

here is what is in your average store bought, frozen waffle:

INGREDIENTS:
Enriched wheat flour (wheat flour, niacin, reduced iron, thiamin mononitrate [vitamin B1], riboflavin [vitamin B2], folic acid), whey, partially hydrogenated soybean and/or cottonseed oil, sugar, eggs, water, leavening (baking soda, sodium aluminum phosphate, monocalcium phosphate), corn cereal, corn syrup, salt, modified corn starch, calcium carbonate, dried blueberries, dried apples, natural and artificial blueberry flavor, sodium citrate, niacinamide, reduced iron, yellow #5, red #40, blue #2 lake, blue #1, vitamin A palmitate, thiamin hydrochloride (vitamin B1), pyridoxine hydrochloride (vitamin B6), riboflavin (vitamin B2), yellow #6 and vitamin B12.

(source dietfacts.com) (grocery store food label)

there are so many things wrong with this.

for those of you who do not know about some of these ingredients, just google the first one that you can't pronounce.  if you don't know what it is and you can't even read it, you probably shouldn't eat it. many of these ingredients are highly addictive which is one of the reasons we have an obese America.  Companies know that once you are addicted, they have a customer for life.

you don't have to be a registered dietician to make good food choices. this is common sense!

i have taught my kids this and they understand, but they still get a little whiny at the store from time to time.  it's ok to break the rules once in a while, but something like waffles, are very easy to make at home so that is what i did.

instead of buying the waffles, i promised them we would have a waffle making day and showed them where in the store they could find the ingredients for waffles.  they thought this was acceptable :)

today, we made waffles. they were delicious and waffles make so much that i always have left overs to freeze. next time you want waffles, they will already be made. Simply grab one out of the freezer, pop it in the toaster and viola-you have waffles!

they put the homemade butter they made the day before on their waffles and all natural (high fructose corn syrup free) syrup on them.

our waffles ingredients were:

all purpose flour
whole wheat flour
almond milk
oil
baking powder
salt

and i added brown sugar and cinnamon to help get that "store bought" effect of the brown sugar waffles they asked for.

hopefully these ingredients are easier to pronounce and chances are, you have them in your kitchen.  everyone had a full belly and a smile on their face, and i felt good about feeding them a wholesome food.

here is the link to the exact recipe i used ( i use veegan recipes because my son has dairy and egg food allergies)

http://www.grouprecipes.com/21727/easy-vegan-waffles.html

Join me on facebook today for "Make it Yourself Monday" and share your do-it yourself ideas!

https://www.facebook.com/stopandsmellhisroses

don't forget to take time to stop and smell His roses today :)

the best birthday

it comes every year. some people celebrate the day their child was born as their birthday. some people don't.  at our house, we celebrate.

what do we celebrate?  we celebrate the child!  each person has a head, arms and legs, a heart, hair, teeth etc.  but when looked at on an individual basis, each person has something so special, something that no one else has.  i have three children and even though they are siblings, they are each their own being, each so unique that it is impossible to replicate or compare.

how do we celebrate?

*8 years earlier*

i called months before to reserve the banquet hall.  i was sure to choose the party room that fit at least 30 people, i mean heck, my baby was going to be 1!  hmmm what should the party theme be?  what does she love?  oooh she loved baby einstein!  i would put a baby einstein dvd in and she would smile, coo and stare with her beautiful, brown eyes as long as it played. so that is the theme. i searched high and low for baby einstein goodies for a party. you know, the invitations, the banners with your child's name on it. the balloons. dinner plates, napkins, dessert plates, dessert napkins, cups, table cloths...you know, the essentials! could not find them in any party stores. thank goodness for the internet, because within seconds, i found baby einstein party kits! incredible! what genius (or einstein) thought to put together a baby einstein birthday party kit?  i didn't care, i was ecstatic to have found it! my baby, my 12 month old is going to crap her pants when she learns we are having a baby einstein party in her honor with all of her favorite people!

i filled out the invitations, addressed and stamped each one and anxiously waited for the RSVP's to roll in. for the next 4 weeks, i was miss party planner. party! party! party! my baby is turning 1!

shopping. i went shopping for a princess dress for my baby to wear on her very special day.  i ordered not 1, but 2 cakes for her big day!  i asked a lady at a bakery to make it cute and extra special and to be sure it was large enough to feed 30 people!

my sweet baby's birthday had finally come.  she is 1! this sweet child, who brought out the best in me is having a birthday.  let's make her day super special.

on her birthday, i ran all over town picking up cakes, filling custom balloons with helium, decorating the hall  and getting all dolled up for the party. cleaning, cooking, the whole process that us women go through before a party! my baby grew fussy on her birthday. all this extra running and mommy not holding her made her irritable.  my sweet baby was always so mellow, so happy. but on her birthday, she was exhausted and wanted her mommy to hold her, but i just couldn't. i was getting ready for her perfect day.

so, isn't it wonderful?  my husband and I managed to spend upwards of $200 to make our special 1 year old so happy. we got all the things she loved. everything was picture perfect. i was so proud of the party i had planned.  did i mention we were 18, and 21 years old? young parents living paycheck to paycheck.

so, let me ask you. who do you think this party was really for?  you got it. it was for me and all the adults that would be there.

where was my baby the happiest?  at home. not at a banquet hall.

what did my baby love?  her mom and dad. not baby einstein.

what are the essentials to a 1 year old?  mom and her milk. not the invitations, the banner with her  name on it. the balloons. dinner plates, napkins, dessert plates, dessert napkins, cups, table cloths.

i was 1 of the mother's who felt like in order for me to be a good mother, i needed to throw a birthday bash for a 1 year old. i was suckered into expensive plates, hall rental fees and chaos.  though i will never forget that day and appreciate all the love and support of family, i will forever be thankful that i have finally woken up from this birthday party industry or scam or whatever you want to call it.  it took me a couple of years and a couple more children to finally learn and realize that my children, before-during and after these parties i would have for them, were miserable. my oldest child actually told me this once, and it offended me! until i could truly look at it from her perspective and i realized she was right.

we celebrate birthdays. how?

*today*

about a month before there birthday, when i am alone with my child, i ask them "what is something you have always wanted to do? what are some things you wish you had? ?

i don't ask what they want to do for their birthday or what they want for their birthday because they too have fallen into the expectations of what our culture portrays as how we celebrate birthdays. if you ask an 8 year old what they want to do for their birthday, they might say something like have a huge party in my yard with tents, cotton candy, horses and clowns that walk on stilts. i want justin bieber to sing to me and i want the whole neighborhood to come. and i want a ton of presents. because that is what they see in movies.

to get a true, honest answer from your child on what they like, what they want-don't tag it to their birthday. just ask the question in conversation sometime. "sweetie, what is your favorite thing?"

today, we celebrate birthdays by spending the day with our child. we stopped having birthday parties. we stopped inviting 30 people.  i no longer spend my child's birthday running around my house mopping, decorating and cooking and yelling at the kids to "clean up, now! clean your room, sit down, i just swept, don't move, get outta the kitchen- i just mopped". it is liberating. it allows me to look at my baby and embrace everything that is so unique about her.  build her up. love her. hold her hand. follow her around wal-mart for 2 hours so she can look at what she wants to look at. play games with her. follow her lead. make it her day. not the day that i have a party for her (for me).

i am not saying parties are wrong. parties are great. i love parties. but before you go spending a fortune and planning something spectacular, make sure you are doing it with your child's interest in mind and not all your guests.

i was a slave to hosting parties and it feels so good to be free from it.  i pray i save you from chaos.

this year, i spent less than $5.00 on decorations.  Before my  8 year old baby woke up, I blew up a package of balloons I bought (with my free air, not a $30 helium tank). I bought blue streamers. Blue is her favorite color. I hung them all over the house. It took me 10 minutes and I was so excited to be doing that for her.  I bought a cake (usually I make one, but my oven doesn't work), chocolate-she loves chocolate.   I asked her what she wanted to do. And she planned a day for her and her family to spend together to celebrate.  I had such a wonderful time celebrating my child on her birthday!

learning to wing it

i rolled over in bed and realized i forgot to set my alarm and that i missed my son's doctors apt.  good morning, courtney! Welcome to the real world!

Fortunately, sleeping in with my son snuggled so close to me that I couldn't move made my awakening better. he laid there and talked to me as we woke up together. rubbed my face, breathing his stinky breath on me and not judging me for my stinky morning breath. true love there.

i went to check on my oldest daughter in her room. she just transitioned to her own bed and for now, she sleeps on an air mattress and somehow she sunk all the way to the floor. it was almost entirely deflated and there she lay sound asleep. i leaned down to kiss her and apologize for the poor sleeping conditions and she replied "it's ok mom, i think it's kinda cool." bless her and her accepting and forgiving heart.  God knew that age 18 if I was going to have a baby I needed a patient, loving, go with the flow kind of kid.  He gave me a break. He is good.

we made it down to the breakfast table. got the kids fed and proceeded with my morning routine of letting the dog out. i walked in the back room and right in front of the door where we let her out to go to the bathroom was a pile of dog pee and poop.  so then i cleaned. washed the rug, scrubbed, vacuumed, gagged. the dog never came back in from going to the bathroom. she is still out running loose through the neighborhood, and quite frankly i don't care.

i made a pot of coffee and once it was done brewing i realized, i brewed water.  yes, i forgot to add coffee. so i started over.

when passing by the bathroom, i took a glimpse of my awesome self and saw my shirt is on backwards. this is all a true story.  all of this happened within an hour.  i don't normally have these kinds of days. i hear people talk about having "such bad, terrible days" all the time and it is like a nails on a chalk board when i hear people complain like that. anyway, if i do have these kind of days, i usually don't notice it. but today, it is becoming very apparent that the forces are working against me.

so, while i was going to the bathroom, and thinking about all of these events, i laughed out loud.  i thought to myself what is going on?  i just think it's funny that i am having such a weird day.  so anyway, i am choosing to embrace it.  life said today is the day of funny tricks. i like funny tricks. i can play that game too. so we are being silly today. i realized i won't win this battle. i am not giving up, but rather just going with it.  if i brew water, i will use that scorching hot water to clean my sink (and i did!).  if my clothes are on backwards, i will declare it "wear your clothes backwards day".  if the dog shits in my house, well oh well-i needed to clean the carpets anyway.

in the midst of all this i am thinking about how it is "spring". i admired the snow covered streets lit by street lights out my daughters bedroom window late last night. they were beautiful.  i was thinking how Spring time in Ohio is special and unique.  how in one area there can be buds poking through frozen soil and layered with a dusting of snow.  i was thinking about all the fun things we do in Spring, including sometimes swimming!

My kids love to swim.  They are itching to swim and they wish we had an indoor gym/pool membership but they know we can't afford such luxuries.  i was thinking, on this funny, strange trick of a day that i would lay a tarp down on the living room floor, bring the kids baby pool in and fill it with water.  i askedmy youngest daughter (age 5) if she thought that would be fun. she asked "mom, are you crazy?"  yes, honey i am.  and like i always say, whether i am crazy, weird or all together insane, whatever it is works for me and my family.

don't let bad days happen. bad days are a made up thing.  it's a myth.  make the most of all situations.  i am thankful today for brewed water, dog poop and weird wardrobes.

dear journal 3-18-13

dear journal,

i woke this morning for the first time when my husband was dressing for work. still dark out and i could hear rain or ice hitting the windows.  i have many things to do so i laid there and contemplated whether or not to wake up or sleep for a few more hours. at that point, i had only had 4 hours of sleep, so i talked myself right into a few more hours of snoozing.

God does remind me often of how lucky I am. Lucky that my house was warm, my kids were all safe and sound asleep, and i have the choice each morning on sleeping in or getting up early.

rested peacefully for a couple more hours and the kids and i all woke together. joshie did some morning nursing, even though i am pretty sure the milk has been gone for a couple of weeks. the other day, he asked me when the milk would come back. poor little guy. i didn't have the heart to tell him never, so instead i said "i don't know, sweetie. mommy doesn't know." and i kissed his warm forehead.

we made our way to the breakfast table.  enjoyed a variety of things, as usual.

breakfast menu:

three sisters graham cracker cereal
nature's path pop tarts (i finally found a "kid tested, mother approved" healthy pop tart!)
oranges
cottage cheese
apple juice
smoothies

todays smoothie was berries, bananas and rice milk.

and then coffee, coffee, coffee. so thankful for coffee.

the kids filled their bellies and scurried away from the table to go explore and get their brains warmed up.  i grabbed my youngest one and placed him on the couch with his sisters and they watched a show together while I read e-mails and did my daily computer time.

i only had a short time to relax this morning before the rush began.  my son had an appointment today so we all needed bathed.  i soaked all three kids in the tub and I have become quite efficient with bathing the three of them quickly.  i can have all three kids shampooed, rinsed, conditioned, rinsed and scrub in less than 10 minutes.  dry 'em off and the next 10 minutes is aiding in dressing them and then the next 10 minutes is hair and teeth brushing. viola, they were sparkling!

i can have myself showered, dressed and accessorized in under 30 minutes.  i am getting good at this "getting ready quickly" thing and am quite proud of being able to get 4 people ready in less than an hour! whew!

time for more coffee!

we were ready and it was time to leave. the dishes still on the table. who cares, really? heated up more coffee and, packed the kids and the dog in the car.

lifted the garage door and saw the trees covered in ice-one of my favorite winter sceneries. thankfully the roads were clear, but the trees...they were so neat!

mmm coffee and music as i drive down the road

my son's appointment went well. we have just started going to a chiropractor for his scoliosis and he also started electro-therapy on his legs. it is the neatest thing. with patches placed on his tiny little legs, once he is hooked up to this machine, it stimulates nerves and contracts muscles and as a result, his little, lifeless legs were kicking away.  he got a workout and didn't have to do a thing. technology is amazing.  the doctor would like us to purchase a device in which we can use at home. praying we can.  this is going to be great for his nervous system as a whole and will help with circulation.  this is the first doctor that was open to  nerve stimulation, as everyone else pretty much said there is no hope so why bother. :(

made it home safely from the appointment and darn it-they were still there. the dishes just sat looking at me. ugh-can't catch a break!  i started in on those and had the kids get going on some school.  i made us a quick snack and finished the dishes and we did school for a couple of hours.

we grew hungry so i made chicken and broccoli alfredo and garlic bread.

homemade alfredo sauce:

whipping cream, butter fresh grated parmesan cheese, garlic clove minced, salt and crushed black pepper corns. heat on low for  20 minutes or until cheese is melted. add to steamed broccoli and your pasta of choice!

parmesan crusted chicken:

place chicken breast in a pan, salt and pepper and cook on each side for 5 minutes or until it's done :)  add freshly grated parmesan cheese and flip it over until the cheese creates a crust. do the same on both sides. yum! serve on top of alfredo.

homemade garlic toast:

melt butter in bowl. add garlic powder, salt, pepper and parsley. spread on bread and broil 2-5 minutes.

we all joined at the table once it was ready and ate. this is one of my favorite parts of the day.  i wish we could sit there for years.  so many memories made there, lessons learned there, stories shared.

and the dishes. unloaded the dishwasher, reloaded the dishwasher. filled up on coffee and did school for a couple more hours.  did a science experiment with celery and food coloring. learning how water travels to the leaves via roots.

finished school and made a bedtime snack for everyone.

tortilla chips with freshly grated sharp cheddar melted on top.  dipped it in black beans and salsa. yum!  we had pepsi with snack, the kids liked that!  i made a pitcher of smoothies, this time pineapple, mixed berries, kale and rice milk.  packed one for my husband's breakfast and the kids had a small serving too.

the dishes.

i unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher and it is running as i type. yes, that is the 3rd time today. i just ran out of dishwasher detergent so i am going to make some tomorrow.  while i did dishes, my son sat at me feet patiently and waited on me to hold him. he kept saying "are da dishes done yet?"  oh honey i wish.

soon enough they were done and i swooped him up and kissed him.  we are finishing the day snuggled on the couch with a movie.

life is good.  hoping to do a devotion before bed. have a school-date tomorrow with our new friends. should be a great day!  on the upside, we don't need baths tomorrow!  it's the small things we look forward to!

make sure you have a good day today. make sure of it.

own it

we just want what is best for our children.  we feed them, love them, dress them, bathe them. but then there is more. we try to feed them better, we give them one more kiss before bed, we dress them so they are warm and comfortable, we bathe them often so they are clean.

sometimes their needs are bigger than we are.  their needs are beyond a mother's scope, beyond her natural maternal instincts. sometimes, in order or us to meet our children's needs, we must learn a new skill, learn about new diseases and move out of our comfort zone.

i find myself in this spot often. i find i don't have all the answers, i find there is more out there that could make their life better.  our drive to learn and do better for our kids is like that of a super power, an uncontrollable force that won't take no for an answer.  it's a drive that leads us to google, the library and support groups.

my son has special needs.  he is so special.  his brain is custom designed, not like yours or mine, but special for him. his eyes, deep brown as they are, wander around sometimes when they are not supposed to. i don't even notice it, but others, they notice his eyes.  his neck, his sweet tiny neck has a cord running through it to help his special brain function.  his chest has a scar on it, i rub it, i love it.  his ribs are wide, expanded from his curved spine.

as i write this i am learning.

he is not potty trained nor will he ever be. he has never stood at the potty and pretended to be like dad. he has never stood at the sink to learn to brush his teeth. he lays on the counter to brush his teeth. he has never gotten out of bed in the morning by himself, but rather been carried by a loved one to eat breakfast. he has never climbed on the counters to reach for a favorite cereal. he has never moved a stool close to the freezer and climbed up on it to open it. i am sure he has thought about it.

sometimes his needs are bigger than me.  all the time i know there are bigger and better opportunities out there for him but i can't physically reach them.  all the time i know there are more and more research articles published on new ideas on how to improve  the life quality of a special little toddler boy with spina bifida and scoliosis, a neurogenic bowel and bladder, a chiari II malformation, hydrocephalus, a VP shunt, shallow hips, deformed feet and legs and weak bones and muscles. i know it's out there. i have laid in bed and read until 5 in the morning trying to find it, only to be left feeling saddened and overwhelmed. i have stumbled across inspirational articles that give hope and remind us to have faith.

as we venture to new ideas and new treatment plans, better ones, always something better, i find my self at that point again. his needs are bigger than me, they are out of my scope, they are more than instincts. so we learn. we look for new research, support groups, doctors.

i found myself at the library the other night. i was desperately searching for the unfound research. all the new answers that could help my little guy. my fingers raced through the titles [coping with a child with special needs] NO, I don't need to cope, I need answers. next title [dealing with back pain] no-not back pain, i need answers. next title [you've been diagnosed with cancer] man.

there i stood, armful of books, feeling annoyed that none of them are really what i was searching for. then it came over me like a rush of cold, no, freezing air.  I thought to myself, oh gosh, i am so glad i am not here searching for a book on how to handle my child's cancer.  for a moment i felt connected to the people that have stood here and looked at this book. my heart broke for them and my eyes welled with tears.  it was seriously chilling-indescribable.  i thought to myself how many people have stood in that same spot in the library, desperately searching for the answer on how to keep their dear, loved one alive, for just another month. i commend thee.

i am so thankful that God has given me just what I can do. I trust that he has given me something that he knows is not bigger than me and is within my scope. i can do this. i can learn, i can love. i love my special needs buddy.  I love that i can handle this, that my mind is capable of seeing life through a different lens, a lens that will allow my son to reach, to surpass his full potential.  I am thankful God has put me right where i need to be on earth at all the right times. I still have faith. I know we are ok. I know and trust we are doing all we can for our son.

we have to trust that no matter what we are going through that it IS NOT bigger than us. it was given to  us because we are the professional , the expert on this situation. it was for us.  own it.