the power of human milk

yup, here i go again...

i have a special little guy in my life, my son who has spina bifida. i typically do not introduce him as my son who has spina bifida, but in this particular story, it's necessary to understand this about him. he just turned 4 this year.  as you may or may not know, i chose breastmilk as my form of nutrition for all of my kids.  i also have allowed them to nurse until their little hearts (and tummies) were content.  for my first child it was a year and a half and she was ready; she weaned from the breast.  for my second it was just shy of two years old before she chose to not come back for more of mommies milk. my son, however, over the course of his life, showed little to no interest in weaning from the breast.

now, of course, he would go in spells. nursed like a champ for a solid year and would get distracted and too busy by the world around him to nurse at times. by the time he was 2, he would nurse when he wanted, was vocal about it saying "nurse, nurse" when it was time and at times even got demanding.  we got many gawks and questions when people realized he could talk and still nursed. it's was OK though. we continued.  we continued because i knew the power of it.  i had seen my milk heal surgery wounds. i had seen him surpass expectations of 2 week hospital stay per doctors orders that turned into only 1 week stays because he was doing so well.  i had seen my milk fight off colds, flu and fevers. i had seen my milk calm him when repeated IV pokes were more than he could handle and he found peace and comfort at my breast. i can't change that he has spina bifida or go through his tough times for him, but i can nurse him, and that helps me cope.

his 3rd birthday came and went and he was happily nursing.  people had the confidence and thought they had the right to look right at him and tell him he was "too old" and that "you don't need that anymore".  breastfeeding, a natural and essential way to nurture a child, became something we only did in private.  he would cry and get nervous and ask if people will laugh at him if he nurses.  shame on the world. shame on the world for having enough power to make an innocent child feel badly. we would nurse alone.  mostly at night.  human milk was still keeping him healthy.

my son has many food allergies and proper nutrition has always been a concern of mine.  he also has battled texture aversions and an increased gag reflex since he started solid foods. there was about a year in his life where he threw up every day. sometimes at every meal.  he always kept my milk down though. that was the only piece of mind i had. thankfully, i could give him my milk. it kept him hydrated. it kept him growing! i know what helplessness feels like, and it doesn't feel good. me nursing him became essential.  became vital.

my son is catheterized due to incontinence from the his spina bifida.  from the day he was born, he was put on a cathing schedule.  people who are catheterized are at higher risk for urinary tract infections.  his urologist insisted he be on an antibiotic. when i asked for how long they said "well, likely for his whole life"!  what?  i don't even have to be an MD to know that that can't be good for anyone, and i certainly wasn't going to have that for my son.  when i discussed human milk as a preventative method for infections, it was not taken seriously.  they gave human milk no credit.  so i smiled and nodded, took the prescription home with me with no intentions on getting it filled.  smelly urine and fever are signs of infection.  over the past 4 years if any of these symptoms appeared i would nurse like crazy, sometimes offering milk every hour and within 24 hours, all symptoms were gone and we were back to full health.

my son has seizures. no one knows why yet. no surprise. but everyone is interested in medicating him rather than getting to the root of the problem. blah. this sort of care sucks the life right outta me.

my sons 4th birthday came and went and he sat right up on my lap and gulped up his breastmilk like a big boy. by this point, we were at the "don't offer it, but don't refuse it" point in our nursing journey. i knew how good it was for him, but i was starting to lean towards weaning. i don't really know why, but my instincts were pointing towards weaning.  days would go by and he wouldn't nurse and my heart would ache but yet i was so proud of us. we made it four years. i wondered if we were done. and then he would ask to nurse at bed.  eventually he started to tell me there was no milk. he thought it was stuck. he had seen me pump a handful of times and he suggested we pump it out so it wasn't stuck.  bless his heart. he is a "fix-it" man at heart. always wants to fix things. i described to him in the gentlest way possible that i thought it was just gone because he was growing so big and strong and that he didn't need it anymore maybe.  we always referred to my milk as something that made him, smart, strong and healthy.  a couple of months went by with no milk flowing and only suckling once every 3-5 days.

OK, TRUE STORY, LISTEN UP:

my son had symptoms of a mild seizure at age 1 and a similar occurrence of spacing out and turning blue in color at age 2. these were pinpointed as seizures but had no reason why but since they were mild and a year apart, they were ok with no medication.  within the last couple of months, since my milk has dried up, my son suffered 2 full fledged body convulsions, 5 minute seizures. totally non responsive.  coincidence? maybe. but i doubt it. my milk has been his medication for the seizures. they have kept them stable. no more milk = full blown seizures.

as i mentioned above, signs of a UTI are fever, foul smelling urine etc.  when those symptoms would arise i would increase medication aka breastmilk and life was good.  last week my son had all the symptoms and i had no defense. i was helpless. i took him to the doc and he tested positive for UTI and was given 2 different antibiotics to kill the bacteria. coincidence? maybe. but i doubt it. my milk acted as his medicine. and now my special, miraculous, liquid gold is gone.  my super healing power, organic natural medicine...gone.

so here are just a few of my personal miracles with breastmilk.  if you have milk, like right now, in your boobs or in your freezer, guard it with your life.  it's special. it does big things.  don't let anyone tell you different. you, truly, as a lactating lady, have a super power and it is to heal. not just heal an infant with a runny nose. bigger than that. to heal the sick, the poor and the hungry.

our nursing journey together was indescribable. we have something that no one else has. our days are over.  and i am at peace with what we achieved and where we left off. one of the last special comments he said to me after nursing one night as his big brown eyes stared into mine was "the milk is so good".