i don't need that!

I had about 6 hours until my weekend house guests arrived.  I had washed every pillow, blanket and sheet and towel in my home to prepare for them.  Washing the bedding is task.  Over the last couple of years, my bed was slept in sometimes for 24 hours straight as we were all on different schedules.  My husband bounced between 2nd and 3rd shift so he was lying in our bed resting while we were awake  Once he woke up and was out the door, we hopped in bed for our nights rest. Needles to say, I became very lax about washing the bedding, because if I didn't think to grab it off at just the right moment, then it would not be dry in time for to next sleepers.

Once the bedding was clean, I made it up and gave it a nice final swipe and breathed in the fresh scent of freshly washed sheets.  Complete, I dusted off my hands and the only thing left to do was to enjoy my company and make them feel at home.

The visits from friends and family never last long enough.  No sooner than they pull in the driveway, we are all standing in the drive way waving goodbye with tears streaming down our cheeks.  I hate goodbyes, even if goodbye only means I will see you next week.

Once my guest departed, it was time for us to rest.  Strip the bedding?  No!  My guests slept on it for one night, and call me lazy, but I was ok with laying where they laid.  The bed was complete with a fitted sheet, a flat sheet, 2 king sized pillows with shams and a down comforter.  Sounds good except we require a few tweaks.  We took the king sized pillows off and replaced them with our furry animal pillows.  Hopped in bed and and snuggled up as we fell to a deep sleep. By mid slumber, I was all tangled in a mess of covers.  I kicked my covers off and went back to sleep.  i;m pretty lazy at night.  Just looking for a quick fix.  I will deal with the rest later.

The next night, we went to climb in bed.  I typically don't make my bed, so I found the bedding exactly how we left it-all tangled.  The flat sheet that is typically used to cover up with, was wadded up in a ball in the center of the bed.  That must have been what I was tangled in, and caused my sleep to be interrupted.  I sleep in the middle usually with 2 people on either side of me.

Instead of fixing the flat sheet, I picked the wadded mass up and heaved it in my closet.  Good spot for it.  Somehow the flat sheet never survives on our bed.  I had forgotten, when we tweaked our bedding the night before, to remove the flat sheet.  Even though every sheet set sold in America comes with a fitted sheet and a flat sheet, it never works for us.  Time and time again, it ends up in a ball and then on the floor and then the dog sleeps on it for a month until I decide to tidy up and find a flat sheet matted to the floor covered in dog hair.  After I find it, it ends up in the hamper.  About a week later, it ends up in the laundry room.  It will rest on my laundry room floor for about a month because in the mountains of laundry, the flat sheet is last priority, because after all, it never works out on our bed!

So here I am left with a nuisance.  It is simply a sheet, but it is constantly lying in view, in my way, weighing on my shoulders.  Isn't it amazing how something as simple as a box or a pair of boots that need  scrubbed, can weigh on you if you keep putting it off? Anyway,  what to do with the sheet?  The sheet that has no place, but for some reason I always think I better wash it and put it back on the bed.  At which point, the cycle of the flat sheet starts again.

Well, I have finally out smarted my flat sheet.  "Haha, I don't need you, sheet. Just because you came with my bedding, doesn't mean I need you.  Just because everyone else probably thinks it makes sense to use a flat sheet and finds it odd or disgusting to not use a flat sheet doesn't mean I need you or I care! I am not using you anymore, because you don't work for me!"

So, seriously, this is important.  Tired of hearing about my battle with the flat sheet?  Well, my point is, we have these things in our life that have been there for as long as we can remember.  It might be a sheet, it might be a car or it might be a couch or a table.  They have become so ordinary, so standard in our culture. To the point if you don't have one, people wonder how you function!  Do you have anything in your life that you feel is almost working against you?  I did.  It was my sheet.  It caused me fits for years, and now I am free of it. Seems silly but sometimes these things are more than a sheet. Don't be afraid to think outside the box.  Just because something works great for 90% of the world, doesn't mean you have to make it work for you if you are the 10% that struggles with it.  Normal is defined on an individual basis.  Defined by each person.  My normal and my neighbors normal are sure to be different, and that's ok!  That is good, in fact!  Imagine how boring life would be if we were all the same!  Embrace things that are different, and learn something from it!  And quit fighting whatever battle you are fighting.  Custom mold your life and happiness will flow through you.

Lady, laying on my flat sheet.

mine

The brown cardboard box lay on the floor of our kitchen in our small home.  We ripped into it together.  My almost 8 year old, was a charismatic toddler at the time and she leaned right in on her Daddy and helped it come to life.

We welcomed it.

The top was smooth as silk, shined beautifully when the Sun splashed through the window on it.  Not a scratch in sight to ruin this perfect new piece.

Frequented by friends and family, story after story was shared with this new piece.  We passed paper, plastic and the finest glass over it.  We leaned on it, stubbed our toes on it, moved it and cleaned it.

We took it apart and brought it with us when life took us to new destinations.  It was quiet, never complained, and was always there when we needed it.

It is a workbench, a display, a step stool and an artists foundation.  We have prayed at it, fueled out bodies at it, cried at it and painted on it.

It has witnessed friendships bloom as women and men alike have sat and bonded over coffee, shared memories and their deepest secrets over wine.

It has stood strong as my children learned to scribble, then draw, learned to print, then write cursive.

It has felt warmth from the freshly dried laundry.

It has been stood on by women who fear they heard or saw a mouse in their home.

It has absorbed our love.

It has been written on, drummed on with pencils, scratch at with a knife, painted on, felt the pitter patters of a tiny toddlers footprints, wobbled, cracked, been thrown up on, been cold from spilled milk and water.

Ace, King, Queen, Jack glide swiftly.

It has been smacked, hard.

It has endured us.  We are loud, we live, we love.

I love my table.  I will never get rid of our masterpiece. I will never sand the top down to restore it's once smooth nature.  I will sit at it with a warm heart as I grow old.  I will rub my hands over it to feel it's flaws, and admire it's sturdy construction.  Our table is our life. We are the table.

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We co-sleep Wednesday

We co-sleep Wednesday

Think of nature.  Walk into a barn and look for newborn/young animals: pigs, cows, sheep, kittens, dogs......

They are all nestled close to their mama's bellies suckling on warm milk, perfect milk.  They co-sleep.  I wonder if the animals relied on parenting books to assure them that it was normal and natural to breastfeed and sleep with their young.

Doubt it!  No, they didn't!

Put the books down, block out what society tells you and do what your instincts truly tell you.

If you secretly lie in bed awake most of the night worrying about your baby that is in the other room by themselves but you are too afraid to "start a bad habit" don't be afraid!

Bring your baby to bed.  Hubby doesn't allow this?  Too afraid your spouse will  roll over and smash the baby because they are a heavy sleeper?  Then go crawl in bed with your little one. Make a nest on their bedroom floor. Find a comfy place for mom and baby to sleep together.

Motherly instincts are so strong that it is highly unlikely for you to smash or suffocate your child.  You will hear every breath and you will be able to answer your child's needs much quicker and there will be very little crying, if any, throughout the night.

I swear I have never been up all night with one of my children, ever.  Even in the newborn stages.  Baby always slept right beside me, and as soon as they started stretching and grunting, I rolled over, popped the boob in their mouth and within minutes we were all back to sleep.

Give yourself more credit!  You were specially created to care  for your little one.  Do it naturally and instinctually with pride!

*I do not recommend co-sleeping if you have been drinking alcohol or taking drugs.  Get a babysitter before making choices that will hinder your parenting.

just push pause

We wouldn't know what overbooked was if it smacked us in the face.  I wasn't alive 100 years ago (in case you were wondering) but I have this suspicion that mothers were not running their children all over town every night of the week to basketball practice, church, the local gym, the library, to wal-mart to get cleats for their game etc, etc.  All modern day moms know that the list goes on and on and on and......

WHAT IF...........we all slowed down?  Paused even.

I have recently settled into a new home and a new town.  I left behind my job, my breastfeeding support groups, MOPS, Teen MOPS, piano lessons, dance lessons, soccer, my babysitters, my family, my friends, my book club, my BUNCO group..................

Point proven.

I have been in no hurry to start our old schedule.  Partly because everything is new, and I don't know the ropes around here.  But mostly because something feels very right about our new, free schedule.

I used to be booked 5/7 nights a week.  My husband was away working late before so night after night, I would rush dinner or go through a drive through to feed my kids.  Yell at everyone to hurry up, grab this, grab that, put your shoes on we are going to be late.....you know the drill.  I was one woman trying to save the world. I have always been a people person.  Need and love to be surrounded by people and always thought I needed to be out and about whether it be visiting my grandmother or volunteering at church.  Thank goodness, my kids did well with this, and I am sure they learned a lot along the way.  Every experience is a learning experience.

A couple of months ago I started to see a clear pattern and routine.  Something I never had before.  I noticed we woke up about the same time everyday, naturally.  I noticed we ate breakfast together and had wonderful conversation at the breakfast table every morning.  I noticed we were accomplishing several hours of school daily, without much effort.  I noticed we were eating better and I was cooking and cleaning more.  I noticed we sat at the dinner table longer, not watching the clock, but laughing, learning and telling stories.  I noticed there was less chaos.

Now, don't let me fool you.  Chaos still happens.  Emma just took my Christmas decorations down for me on Sunday.  There is mud traipsed through our family room.  MUD!  The kids all took a bath tonight, but when I asked them if they washed up, they replied "No, but we washed the bath toys".  Chaos will still go on.

I miss my book club, work, my family, random cups of coffee with my girlfriends, MOPS-all of it!  But I have learned so much about myself and my family over these past couple of months that it makes it all OK.  Once I learned to let go of everything, I was able to focus on my family and all of their needs.

Many women fear and refuse to become just a "housewife" or a "stay at home mom".  Staying home with my kids everyday and working for my family has been the single most rewarding thing in my life, period.  It's like my business.  I pour my blood, sweat and tears into this daily and I love it.

Having said this, I know society makes it challenging to not participate in anything.  Societal pressures are lightened when you home school and it makes it easier to not "sign-up" for everything.  I understand how it is...we don't want our child to be the only one not on the team.  The only one out of their class not doing what all the other kids are doing.  But what if we just cut one thing out?  I think children, mothers, families are overbooked.  What if our kids only participated in one thing per school year?  Learn to play an instrument, and that is it.  Join the basketball team, and that is it.  I think if more and more families could cut things out, families would connect again.  Connect the way they used to when mothers and children worked together at home all day and waited on father to arrive.  Connect by sitting at the table for dinner every night and talking.

Slowing down has been the best thing that ever happened to me.

yeah, this will work

So I am sure many of you have seen this circulate the internet.  Every time I see it I have the same reaction.  This is what is wrong with our world.

I don't know who these poor children are but I wish I could hug each one of them.  The looks on their faces says it all.

Do you think this works?

Your children are fighting and kicking and screaming and your answer to this is to make a joke out of them?  This isn't something that the parents did without thinking first like when we swat our child's bottom in the midst of anger before we have time to think.  No, these parent's had it all planned out.  Get the shirt, then decorate the shirt, then force our children to wear it, then take a picture of it, then plaster it on the internet for the world to see.

As an adult I know how terrible I feel when I am arguing with someone.  I want to cry.  I want the situation to be fixed.  I want help.  I can't imagine how I would feel if the one I trust and love turned my pain into their entertainment.

Our children are a reflection of us.  As painful as the truth is, if your child has a temper, hits, screams and bites when he/she is mad, chances are they learned that from you!  As parents we need to stop and think about what we are doing.  We are raising a human being for Christ's sake!  We have the opportunity to make something fresh and new.  Let's try not to screw that up!

I have made many, many mistakes in my life.  Many in which I pay for everyday of my life.  I have made mistakes with how I have handled situations with my children.  But that bothers me so each day I try to be better.  Be a better leader, a bigger lover and gentler person.  When my oldest was very small, it never felt right to punish her or hit and spank.  I have spanked my children before and as I have said before, I regretted it every time.

I certainly have never punished my children for my entertainment.  That is all this shirt is.  Entertainment for adults.  You can't honestly believe that these two young children by them wearing this shirt it will make them happy and get along?  It's going to make them even angrier, I guarantee it!

If you are tired of hearing your kids fight, whine and cry, then have a "heart to heart" with them.  Genuinely share your feelings with them.  I do this often and it WORKS! 

 "Kids, I can't stand to hear you guys act like this, it makes me want to scream and when I scream at you I feel bad.  Do you think you guys are acting appropriately?  What made you so mad?  Why are you even fighting?  I want us all to work on how we handle our anger and what happens.  I won't scream at you and hit you."

Come up with a plan that works for you and your family.  Everyone is different and that is what makes the world go 'round but do we really need to resort to these kinds of punishments?  After more and more research surfaced that spanking only creates an angry, aggressive child and after our instincts resorting to talking to our children rather than smacking them life has been smooth.  Unfortunately, our oldest were our guinea pigs.  They did experience minimal spanking.  And every time I lay in bed at night and think about it, it breaks my heart!  Our youngest has never been spanked.  As a result, he has also never really hit either.

Something to think about.  And please, don't make one of these shirts for your child.  It wont make you cool.