I was called to be......

I used to hear people talk about getting a calling from God and never knew what this meant.  I mean I kind of knew but never really knew.  Like, you mean Jesus spoke to you?  I can't say I have ever had a calling to do anything but I would agree that I have landed places by God's choice because they were perfect places-places that were comfortable-places that I was good in.

This weekend I am reminded of my purpose.  When I was a young, wild, teenager I experienced a life changing event.  I became a mommy.  It wasn't long after I had Emma that I knew it was part of God's perfect plan for me.  I loved every day, my world was so much about my baby-not friends, shopping or parties.  I loved spending every second with that baby and it's still that way.  I don't think she was ever at Grandma's or with a family member all day until she was a year old.  This was the beginning of my attachment parenting spell and it happened naturally.  I didn't read parenting books because I felt so connected to my baby I never was led to a book.  She slept with me, ate breakfast with me, took a shower with me, sat on my lap when I was sitting, napped in my arms- where there was me there was her.  I always said I loved being a mother and I wanted a large family.  I knew this when I was 18.  I said bring it on!  My heart still yearns for more babies but through the years I have grown wiser and can listen to God more.

All three of my kiddos were invited to go to Grandma's for the weekend.  Since we've moved, the kids don't see their Grandma's as much and my mother wanted them for the weekend.  They left yesterday evening.  We have never been away from all three kids for a whole weekend.  Usually one night at a time and we have plans. Never home for a whole weekend.  While I am enjoying free time, I feel lost.  Last night Josh and I went and had a beer (okay 2) at a local bar.  When we got home it was late and so it was bedtime.  Usually bedtime consists of reading, diapers, bath time, singing, back scratching, praying, snack time, I am thirsty again, did you go potty, now please brush your teeth I am not going to ask you again, please lay down, whisper please, I am trying to sleep, stay on your side of the bed, no singing, guys be quiet......But last night it was Josh saying "Are you ready for bed" and I said  "Sure".  Shut the lights off and......I couldn't sleep.  I sat up and decided to have wine and read in bed because those are things I can't do when the kids are home. I can have wine of course (no, I don't believe in not drinking in front of your kids...) but if I decide I want to read one of my books in bed then that means the lamp has to be on and then the kids think that =more time to stay up and play or chat.  Anyway, I read till 3 AM last night and slept until NOON today.  Wow!

Morning routine usually consists of taking care of Joshua's potty needs as he can't pee on his own.  So everyday for the last 3 1/2 years the very first thing I do is take care of Joshie but today he is not home. SO instead of doing all that and making breakfast for 3 people then myself, I skipped breakfast went right to the pot of coffee Josh made and hopped on the Internet.  Guilt free Internet surfing without my conscience reminding me that instead of spending an hour on the Internet you could be down on the floor playing trucks with your buddy.

Nonetheless, it's weird here today.  It's nice, but weird.  Josh and I have time work on the house, go out to lunch and just chill!  We don't know what it's like to have kids and live together.  We went from high  school to a baby living with my parents then to an apartment.  This weekend we can pretend to be those couples who are 26 and 30, no children only careers and dogs...boring! LOL I am kidding-but seriously we always wonder what it would be like?  They go like hiking and to dinner and plays at the theater and stuff.  Alone.  Without getting a sitter.  [Today I am reminded of my purpose which is to mother children that have a lot to offer to the next generation in spirit, mind and soul.]

I love my Earth.

have a learning filled kind of day. [i dare you to think outside the box]