so you go on, each and every day usually each day looking like the one before. we are creatures of habit. you get a system down and you just repeat. you're feeling good about life but then, parenthood has this way of eating at you. challenging you. making you doubt everything you're doing. some days we're so busy and chaotic with life that we don't have time to question if we're doing it right, if there even is a right way? There's not, by the way. But then other days, we all have that one day (every time there is a full moon maybe?) where we just think we stink at it all and that everyone else does it better.
and then you picture it in your head. how the other moms are always so organized. they're on time, no, they're always early. and their kids are always color coordinating amongst siblings right down to the little sisters polka-dot hair bow that matches the oh-so-trendy polka-dot bow-tie that the little brother has on. And as if they weren't already perfect enough, the mom then tells how she hand made all the bows with organic cotton in which she grew the cotton herself. Oh and the mom and the daughter are carrying matching little purses which the mom even put cute little tissues and an organic, natural chap-stick in the daughters purse, you know, just in case! Isn't it just so cute? Ugh, yes, it is. Ok, you're cute! You match! Your clothes are clean, and I am so happy for you! But the problem is, I could barely find clean clothes for us all to wear, let alone the matching? Wow. And then we ask ourselves, "What am I doing wrong?"
I have goals in the way I am raising my kids. I have what I think to be the necessary parts of an equation to equal the ultimate, happy, secure child. As their main source of education I plan every week what they will learn, what sights they might see and who they will hang out with. I plan their menu. I plan their form of exercise. They're extra-curricula. Even their clothes! I have a plan as to where they will be and when. Its all an intentional plan to help reach the big goal! You know, the one where they're happy and smart and healthy and rested all in one. And then within minutes of placing my perfectly planned week all jotted down and sorted into lists and columns and charts on my refrigerator, all of a sudden, something that is not on the schedule or the list or the subjects of things we're supposed to learn this week happens. It's not in the plan. But it happened. we oversleep, so therefor we won't do the first thing I had planned and then there it is. You feel like a failure all over again. you're sucking at following your OWN schedule. the one that worked for you.
this is where stress and anxiety and can kick in and consume you and then before you know it the day that you had prayed about, the one where you asked God to let your heart be still and take in the small things is all ruined. you try, but you are just mad at yourself. you don't understand why it's so hard. you then pray a new prayer. "God, please let my children turn out ok despite my lack of awesomeness." And you trust in that. Because that's all you can do.
Just when you think things are spiraling out of control you receive a gift. It's not wrapped in pretty paper or tied in hand-made bows. It's not expensive. You couldn't buy it. Anywhere. It's simply the words of a stranger. A young man. He's been sitting beside my husband and I and the kids in a coffee shop intently writing a paper on his lap-top. My husband and I both noticed he appeared to be rushing. stressed out. More than likely writing a paper for a college class. In fact, every table in the coffee shop was full, we, all 5 of us, were sharing the last two chairs left in the place. You can imagine these people's thoughts that are studying in a nice quiet coffee shop when we walked in. "Oh great, three small kids and I'm trying to study. Idiot parents. Isn't there a play land close?" And my husband and I both thought a similar thought, "oh crap, these people are all trying to work and we just want to drink coffee as a family and chat." And MAN was it quiet in there. We even thought about asking if they could play some music because you could've heard a pin drop in there! But then the words that the stranger said just put everything in place. It completes everything in the plans and goals. It brings a peace and a calming and ah-a breath. After sitting by him for about twenty minutes he said "I just wanted to tell you, you guys have the best behaved kids I've ever seen in my life." I could've hugged him. Can we just celebrate THAT for a moment? I thanked him and looked at the kids and they were smiling. And one of the kids said "What are we doing to be so well behaved?" And that's when it hit me! I plan so much, day in and day out, to achieve this goal when the thing I'm failing to do is see that they are wonderful just the way they are. They are gifts, they are sweet, and they are my kids. God has entrusted us with their lives. Their upbringing.
Do we tell our kids enough? Do we tell them their awesome just for being them? Or do we save it for when they hit a home run, get an A on a paper, or get a trophy for something? Are we telling them enough that they are wonderful? Go out and tell them today. Tell them they're great and that there is no one else like them. There is only one of them, and they were gifted to you. What an honor! It's moments like these that nothing else matters. Let's celebrate what we're all doing right and not worry about if we're screwing it all up. Have a great week and don't forget to smell the roses.
